I Hate Nashville and I Want to Come Home

The following things are currently wrong:

1) Our apartment, while 92% done, is not 100% done. Almost three weeks after we were initially assured it would be. Things still needed include

a. smoke detector(s)

b. bathroom fan

c. the removal of massive gobs of paint from the outside of the windows

d. blinds or shades or something to keep the light out

e. a new front door

f. two interior doors

g. a washer/dryer.

This last is our responsibility, and if something doesn't happen soon I'm gonna have to go buy new clothes.

2) The apartment is too small for all of our stuff, and, despite initial assurances that we'd have storage in the basement, we will not, in fact, have storage in the basement. This is because the landlord is turning the basement into another apartment. This is part of a larger problem wherein the landlord is kind of a pain in the ass. There is therefore no room for our bikes, for instance. I may have to build a shack out back.

3) My cellphone doesn't work in the apartment.

4) There's no internet in the apartment. This very serious, and has led me to get on the phone (in the park across the street, where I can get a signal) and call Comcast, AT&T, etc. An initial flirtation with Comcast proved fruitless when the Comcast guy failed to show up yesterday between 1pm and 4pm, as promised (while waiting alone in the apartment, of course, I had no internet to distract me). AT&T has been more helpful, but they're unable to get a guy out to install a jack before Aug. 31. In the meantime, I have a bazillion things to do that require internet access. The solution I've hit upon is to spend the greater part of every day in coffee shops. This is something I tend to do anyway, but not to this extent. It's starting to get quite expensive, and I always feel uncomfortable taking up space somewhere for hours on end. As a partial solution to this problem, I've headed to a Panera at the mall. Not only is there more seating here, but I also don't feel at all bad about mooching Panera's wireless as I do at more local establishments. This plan has two drawbacks, however:

a. I have to spend money at Panera.

b. I have to spend time at Panera.

5) I have a bazillion things to do. In addition to the normal teaching prep, which would be time-consuming enough, I also have an article to write for a conference in Paris that I was hoping to finish before school starts. That's not gonna happen, however, because I've recently been saddled with 80+ hours of freelance textbook work. I'd agreed to do these projects earlier in the summer, when I had time, but they didn't get them to me until last week. Under normal conditions I'd tell them to shove their projects in their pie holes, but it's paying outrageously well and will, in fact, finance my trip to Paris to present the article that I haven't written. And then some.

6) It's hot.

7) It's muggy.

8) People here talk funny and drive very large vehicles.

9) All my stuff is in boxes still and I can't find anything. I currently need to know the locations of the following:

a. Sponges

b. Assorted spray bottles

c. Dish towels

d. My favorite mug.

e. A certain Charlie Daniels bobblehead.

10) I'm all alone and I miss Kate.

There, I'm done griping. Thanks for letting me get that off my chest. Everything will be better shortly, I know - it's always this way when moving to a new place, as I know all too well. Combine that with the transition from not-busy to holy-shit-am-I-busy-and-oh-yeah-all-my-stuff-is-in-boxes, and a person would have to be made of stone not to feel at least a little disheartened.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got to spend the next three hours working on a spreadsheet. If Panera's musak doesn't drive me away sooner.