Operation Mop-Up

The countdown has begun. In exactly two weeks I'll be hitting the road with all my stuff in a big truck (a truck so big, in fact, that it may not fit through the narrow passage into my driveway, which would make loading it more than a little difficult), bidding a fond TTFN to the Valley, and directing my gaze with hawk-like intensity toward the future - a future of fightin', cheatin', and drinkin', if the old country songs are anything to go by (and they are). This means that there's lots to do in the next couple of weeks. I'm not talking about boring stuff like packing, closing my bank account, contacting the electric company (hey you guys!!), submitting a change of address form to the post office, or any of that. These things will more or less take care of themselves. No, I'm talking about running through the list of things I still need to see and do before leaving the Valley - a project I'm calling Operation Mop-Up.

What, you're wondering, could I possibly be talking about? Well let me give you a for instance, as some of my less grammatically astute high school teachers would say.

I happen to live within a very short distance of the Yankee Candle Company. No, not one of those tiny, intensely pungent shopping mall stores - this is the factory, where they actually churn out all those multicolored wax cylinders that get shoved, each holiday season, into the gift bags of great-aunts everywhere. The factory, unfortunately, is not open to the public - which is probably a good thing, considering the severe olfactory (no pun intended) assault any visitors to the place would undergo - but the factory store absolutely is open to the public. Nay, more: it sprawls at the side of Route 5 and screams at the public to come inside. And so the other day, after months of procrastination, come inside I did.




Having been trained by the YCC's mall stores to expect a ruthless nasal pummeling as soon as I stepped across the threshold of this self-proclaimed Scenter of the Universe, I was pleasantly surprised to find the place smelling only slightly of chemical foodstuffs and summer breezes. Instead, I found a vast compound full of toys, home accents, cheap New England souvenirs, a fudge shop, a bakery, a medieval castle, and, of course, an extensive Christmas village, complete with model trains, spinning trees, and fake snow falling from the ceiling every four minutes. This last was quite a hit amongst the schoolbusload of teenage girls who had arrived before me. There was also a make-your-own-candle station that included a display on the science of scent-mixing as well as a person-sized candle named King Candle, though which king it was named for is a mystery to me.





There were also, of course, lots and lots of candles spread throughout the place, but the ambient odors were diluted in the vast space of the building. I was, therefore, obliged to pop the lids off of more than a few and give them a good sniff. And as I made my way through candles with names like Egg Nog, Frosted Pumpkin, Vanilla Lime, Juicy Peach, and Candied Apple, I became profoundly, uncomfortably hungry. Just as I was about to take a bite out of Almond Cookie, I snapped out of it and beat a hasty retreat for the door, vowing never to return (on an empty stomach, at least).

Another item I've managed to cross off the Operation Mop-Up list is a visit to UMass Stonehenge. What's UMass Stonehenge? Well, from the road it looks like a diminutive neolithic site that somehow survived the construction of the adjacent UMass football stadium. It's always intrigued me - ever since Spinal Tap, miniature Stonehenges have been cool - so I stopped by the other day while out riding my bike. It was a bit disappointing. Turns out UMass Stonehenge is actually a "sunwheel" used by the Astronomy Department to teach about sun and moon cycles. It's the site of solstice gatherings, when the sun aligns with several of the larger rocks, and it's also used for moon tracking. So, in short, it's about science. Bah. I took a photo, but I wasn't happy about it.



Also crossed off the list: a climb up Mt. Sugarloaf, about which I'll say nothing except that I think maybe I saw John Hodgman up on the summit. And I took a witty photograph up there (not of John Hodgman).



So stay tuned for more highlights from Operation Mop-Up and, of course, for the last two french toast posts. Just two more toasts to go! Whee!